F*** the Argies

Argies

July 30th, 1966 – On top of the World

Anger simmers whilst sadness prevails (World Cup 2006)

The hangover, physical and metaphorical, is subsiding slowly but it’s going to be a rough few days. England are done for another four years, although before we reconvene in S. Africa there is Euro 2008 which will see us with the highest of expectations and the almost inevitable dream-shattering results…It’s very, very hard to be an England fan – but I wouldn’t have it any other way and now all that remains is a week of wallowing in schadenfreude (spelling?) as others experience the trauma of defeat…..
I believe that this England starting line-up, despite the crap manager, had the makings of one of our best ever; certainly the best since 1970. That starting eleven was settled a long time ago and my feeling was that if they could perform to their abilities then we could beat anyone. It fell far short of that with a series of poor performances ending with only the back four producing a good display in the final match, along with Hargreaves, who was not even in that starting eleven of a few weeks ago…..
With the big three in our much-vaunted midfield, Bekham, Gerrard, and particularly the hugely disappointing Lampard, all playing as poorly as I’ve seen them over a four match spell; with Rooney not playing in his real position (back to goal is not his forte) and clearly not fully fit; with Owen injured; and with the Coles and Robinson inconsistent throughout; the “Eleven” failed to show up and we never had a chance of winning the Cup…..
Despite the better team losing yesterday we were clearly not good enough to win it all…I thought the red card was a poor decision and it changed the game. Those of you who believe that Rooney would be serving time “At Her Majesty’s Pleasure” if he was not a professional footballer, would say he had the intention to lightly caress Carvalho’s balls with his studs. You’ll probably right, and many in England have already come to that conclusion, but the ref has to be 100% and I don’t believe he could have been…So just as I thought England would take the game firmly in hand we were down to ten and it was a Churchillian, backs-to-the-wall display from then on. However, accompanied by the loud, incorrect, and incessant claptrap spewing from the gob of Marcello Baloney (confirming his position at the top of my all-time worst football analysts), we continued to have the better chances and should have put the an average Portuguese team away…..
It was not be and the inevitable penalty fiasco ensued. Despite watching this football charade with my hand firmly grasping the “Three Lion” badge on my shirt and a conviction that it was “our turn” the ‘English disease’ struck again… Pathetic penalties – very un-German of us. Game over. Shock, anger, sadness. More anger. Disappointment. What f*ckin’ World Cup? Who gives a shit now? Not me……
And certainly not those two stunning Brazilian twenty-somethings tottering around the bar in high heels and short skirts emphasizing their perfect asses for all to admire – with increasing lack of subtlety as the drinks flowed, I have to say. Again, “not me” (well, perhaps a little)…Crying and hugging at the end of their team’s defeat only resulted in my offering of a “aaahhh, what a shame – welcome to reality where the rest of us football fans reside”…Needless to say I didn’t even get a hug from the beauties when they left…..
See ya Brazil – your unexpected early exit will perhaps mean a more rational and objective view of your game as opposed to the fawning and toadying you are offered at this point. Samba soccer? – don’t make me laugh!…See ya Argies – an irrational “ha, ha, ha!” is all I have to offer you, and although you did provide some lovely stuff at times I just don’t like you…See ya Spain – you continue to lead the world, although only just ahead of England at this point, in the Greatest Underachievers League – hopefully your racist turd of a coach will get his comeuppance in some nasty way…See ya Holland – now that you seem to have taken a leaf (or large tree) out of the “Cheaters Handbook” I shall have to end our pleasant little “my second team” relationship…
I’m also sick of the antics of Italy (they’ll be at their worst/best against the hosts) and Portugal – Maniche’s farcical flop and clutching of his face after the slight brush against Ferdinand summed up this team of wankers. How perfect that at the end of the game they ran towards their fans in unison and all dove headlong on to the pitch – diving is what they do best. Naturally their fans apploaded rapturously – they appreciate a good dive and their team never fails to let them down…..
With the demise of these football powers and the prospect of a classic final between Germany and France it will hopefully mean the end of “The Beautiful Game” and a return to the “The Brilliant Sport” – a much better game I assure you!…..
Sven is done – good riddance to bad rubbish…Beckham seems to be on the way out too – he has served the team extremely well over the years…And now we have McClaren of Middlesbro’ at the helm – god help us. Four months ago his team were beaten 0-4 at home by a certain, less-than-Mighty Aston Villa. Fans threw their season tickets at him; one referred to him as a “complete footballing tosser”. Not long afterwards he is appointed England Manager. How does this happen?… Nevertheless we have some excellent players and it would take a complete footballing tosser to fail to get us into the later stages of Euro 2008…..
That’s enough of this ranting massochism. I need to resume my life…..
Steve of Fortyyearsandcountingville, U.S.A.

Come on, England! (World Cup 2006)

Footy fans….With the ‘butterflies’ already kicking in and my mind on little else, I have just a few ramblings about the Ecuador game and the upcoming match against Portugal…
I’m not sure what to think – just like most of you fellow knowledgeable football fans I am confused about the displays of my ‘heroes’ to this point…England?? What of England?????…All the comments I have read from the assembled group certainly have some validity and I have little fresh to add other than it probably can only be as a result of some or all of four things…
1 They find it impossible to play to their potential against inferior opposition.
2 They are suffering under the strain of expectation.
3 The F.A are paying a man five million a year whose main two talents are firstly to get his players confused, low on confidence and playing at the bottom of their game and secondly to be in the possession of a certain “way with the ladies”…
4 These players have been masquerading as some of the Premiership’s most talented performers and are in fact all crap…
On reflection the first three of these sound credible. The fourth I cannot accept…

I must say that before the Ecuador game I thought the line-up (4-1-4-1) might work as I’m no fan of Crouch being out there other than if we’re losing, going nowhere, and there is twenty minutes to go. True, Rooney alone up front is a gamble but I had hoped that the midfield, with Caddick playing deep in the hole behind the other four, would offer plenty of support. Silly me. As it was, Lampard and Gerrard, arguably the two best players in the Premiership this past season, just did not perform. Lampard seems to have returned to the form he offered up during his first year at SW6 when all he was good for was a decent cup of tea at half-time… The central defenders look confused, Hargreaves does not have the technique to play at right back, and I am at a loss to explain the ineffectual roles of Beckham and J.Cole…Robinson’s form in goal concerns me but hopefully he will come through in the end. A.Cole is getting better and Rooney will surely prove all the hype to be justified….
Despite all this I have to look on the bright side and say that I am still truly confident that we will raise our game when the quality of opposition demands it. This happens quite often – particularly to us over the past forty years! How ironic, therefore, if we finally produce on Saturday and lose!…Naaah…Not happening… Against the diving, sniveling, cheating, and sometimes skilfull Portuguese, I look forward to a solid performance and a two goal victory resulting in the delightful sight of that tosser of a ‘keeper crying in defeat alongside the disgraceful Figo…
Humbly yours, Stephen of Threelionsville, U.S.A….
ENGLAND!… ENGLAND!!!… ENGLAND!!!!!… ENGLAND!!!…ENGLAND!!!!!!!!

It’s never been easy…(World Cup 2006)

The England match finished about six pints ago and I’ve had time to reflect. Unfortunately, as a result of those beers my judgement may be a little impaired, although I have just driven home perfectly and didn’t run a single red light (…”but there aren’t any in Anderson Valley, Steve”)…..
Onward…Well, after a very solid first half, following the significant loss of Owen, it appeared that everyone decided to sit back and produce another disappointing display. The midfield disappeared, the back four looked scared to death at times, and Paul Robinson served up a Jamesian-like display of how not to dominate your six yard box on crosses. The naive defending which led to the Swede’s first goal was shocking and then to commit the same errors twice more was downright unbelievable…
Why isn’t there a defender at the front of the six yard box to get to the low and hard cross first and clear it away? This basic defensive ploy forces the cross to be high and looping to reach the forwards and thus far easier to deal with for the defenders and/or keeper – this is fundamental defending, something you learn for the preliminary coaching badge yet our ‘coaches’ seem to have forgotten to mention it and the players cannot seem to work it out for themselves. We could have conceded two more goals as a result…Former Claret & Light Blue, Marcus Allbeck scored the first and Villa skipper, Melberg, hit the bar shortly afterwards. It could have been Villa Old and New 2, England 1 at that point – a bit of a joke to some I would imagine…
It was an “English” display similar to many we have seen in the past – inconsistent throughout. Beckham was nowhere to be found after the break; Lampard and Hargreaves decided that the ball was a hot potato and played with little confidence in the second half, and Joe Cole, whilst still fooling some of the people some of the time with his step-over, failed to create any real chances. If Crouch is going to be out there (and it would appear that we are stuck with him now that Owen might be done for good), and thus we have to resort to the long, high ball ,then shouldn’t he win most of them at six foot f*ckin’ six??. Well why isn’t he, the lanky git??…Rooney was not a factor but you know that he scares defences and will come good soon I’m sure… Carragher, and Campbell when he came on, looked lost at times; Terry and Ferdinand out of sorts, and Ashley Cole, although producing his best performance so far, still hasn’t shown the form he displays for the Arse…..
Will we beat Ecuador?. I confidently believe that we will although many would disagree. Would we then beat the likes of Portugal? – I’d like to think so…What about Brazil? – I couldn’t possibly comment at this time…..
Forty years of hurt and counting….but only a foolish man would count us out…..
Steve and the Three Sleeping Lions…

July 30th, 1966

Forty years of hurt
Yes, gentlemen, it’s forty years ago that England won the World Cup with a 4-2 victory over West Germany in the final at Wembley…Surely, as Bobby Moore held the cup aloft and the “England Roar” reverberated around the stadium and throughout the land, nobody thought it would be such a long and painful wait for it to happen again. Indeed, just four years later in 1970 England had arguably a better team but lost to the Germans in the quarter-final 2-3, after leading 2-0 at half-time…
That crushing defeat had terrible repercussions with England not even qualifying for the 1974 and 1978 tournaments…We have since lost in cruelly disappointing ways on numerous occasions including elimination by penalties on three occasions (1990, 1998, and 2006).
In Spain 1982 we were eliminated when the preposterous second round group format saw us going out despite being undefeated in the tournament, winning three and drawing the other two of our five matches…In 1986 it was that “cheating Argie Bastard” and his Hand of God in a 1-2 defeat and in 2002 it was Smiling Boy Ronaldhino’s poor cross which remarkably ended up in the net in a narrow 1-2 defeat to Brazil…All sad but true…..
Now it is forty years on and a nation continues to wait for the hurt to end…
Regards, Steve of England…..