The ex-Manager of Chelsea

Poll Question of the Day: If John Terry scores their fifth penalty in Moscow and the Pensioners are European Champions, is Avram Grant still the manager at Chelsea?….
Please answer Yes or No…

Either way, today’s decision to fire him is very strange.

1. Is it just because they were runners-up in the two toughest competitions? If so, woe betide the next bloke in the hot seat for the Pensioners.

2. Is it because the ‘Powers-that-Be’ and the fans in S.W.6. want to see attractive football? If that’s the case would he still have been fired if they had won the league and/or E.C.L. whilst playing in their not-so-attractive style?…

3. Is it because Abramovich is such a meglomaniac that everyone on the board is scared of losing their own positions and therefore until they win a major trophy they will toe-the-line with Roman’s positions and keep firing their managers?

4. Is it because Spurs beat them in the League Cup Final? Quite a good reason some might say.

5. Is it because the Villa beat them 2-0 at Villa Park and then the “Superstars” only just managed a fortunate draw 4-4 at home?

I think you know the answer…

Claret & Light Blue and glad I’m not a Chelsea fan…and yet thinking about when I quite liked them (1965-1971)…

…and they’re crap at football too!…

Following the two recent articles in this space about the behaviour of the BlueNosed hordes following their relegation, I think I should also point out six relevant results over this past season…

Sept 13th, 2007 – Villa Youth 4   BlueNosed Youth 1

Nov 11th, 2007 – BlueNoses 1   Villa 2

December 3rd, 2007 – Villa Reserves 2   BlueNose Reserves 0

March 1st, 2008 – BlueNosed Youth 0   Villa Youth 3

March 31st, 2008 – BlueNose Reserves 0   Villa Reserves 1

April 20th, 2008 – Villa 5  BlueNoses 1

I have nothing else to add…

More BlueNosed antics…

Vandals leave groundsman ‘numb’

Birmingham City’s head groundsman has said the vandalism at St Andrews following the club’s relegation from the Premier League has left him ‘numb’.

The set of goals at the Tilton Road end was broken as angry fans ran onto the pitch after the win over Blackburn, causing £3,000 worth of damage.

“I realise now that it wasn’t the genuine fans,” Martin Kelly told the club’s website.

“I watched it happening and felt totally numb.”

Kelly added: “Regardless of what those people were thinking at the time, to go onto their own club’s pitch and vandalise the goals was completely wrong.

“I still can’t take it in.”

Birmingham City are working closely with West Midlands Police to try and identify those responsible.

CCTV footage has already been handed over to the force’s football intelligence department with banning orders ready for anyone found guilty.

Are they the “funniest club in all of footballdom?

An interesting piece contributed by Villa Fan, Stained Glass Windows in The Trinity…
A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE BOARD OF BIRMINGHAM CITY – BY DAVID SULLIVAN  – BlueNose Co-Owner…

I’ll never forget Sir Alan Sugar telling Tottenham Hotspur supporters when they demonstrated against him that they were chasing away their best friend.

That’s how I felt Sunday. Yes we have been relegated, statistically likely after promotion, by the narrowest margin of one point.

Yes, we let Steve Bruce go and, yes, we took £3 million in compensation.

But the same people shouting against David Gold and I are the same few hundred that sent me letters begging me to sack Steve after he had lost six out of seven of his final games with the club.

These were the same few hundred that also sent me thank-you letters when we invested £9 million in bringing Alex McLeish, James McFadden, David Murphy and loan star Mauro Zarate to the club.

In yesterday’s paper, Professor John Samuels made a number of points and I would reply that professors are great THEORISTS. In the real world it’s not so easy.

Often you offer players more money (e.g. Gary Cahill) but he chose to go to another club.

The Professor feels we should have matched Sunderland’s expenditure, but does not indicate where the money should come from. IN ADDITION, the last time a Professor ran a football club (Leeds United), we all saw what happened!

Just because he’s a Professor, it’s an impressive ACADEMIC title, it doesn’t mean he could cut it in the business world. For the record I’m an Economics scholar from LondonUniversity and hold a BSc (Hons) in Economics.

Football is a passion. I know that – it’s in the blood. I do not think I can be blamed for not being born a Blues supporter, but I match each of you for the passion I have for the club. I have put in my life, my time, time away from my family and my other businesses, to make Blues the best I can to my ability. In just over 15 years I have missed only one home game and under 20 away league matches.

Maybe for some of you my ability is not good enough. Some of you hate my honesty and bluntness. I make no excuses I am who I am. I am not a spin doctor or marketing genius. I am honest. I’ll tell you the truth, even if it hurts. Pat Murphy said Steve spent only £22 million net during his time as manager, the truth is that its £49.5 million net.

I would also highlight that for the new players bought at the start of the 2007-08 season the club spent in excess of £9.5million with regards to their wages, sign-on fees and contracted bonuses, plus the £9 million we spent on transfers.

In hindsight – and hindsight is a great thing – had we signed Cahill in January we might have stayed up. We have not kept a cleansheet since the Middlesbrough game on December 26th! However, what can you do if a player doesn’t want to live in Birmingham or play for BCFC?

We offered him £2k a week more than Bolton, but he chose Bolton. The reaction of the supporters on Sunday, in a game where we beat the seventh best team in the country 4-1, will not help the cause of bringing players we want to Blues.

We have had success.

In 1993 when I bought Birmingham you were on the verge of extinction. The club was in administration, with years of lack of investment, both on and off the pitch. The ground was a disgrace, there was no infrastructure, no training ground and frankly the future was bleak.

But now we have a decent stadium, which we have spent £13 million on, and have invested just under £3 million on the infrastructure of the training ground.

A lot of supporters were asking ‘where has the money gone?’ The wage bill alone last season was £30 million and this does not include the costs of buying players – transfer fees etc – and any costs of running the football club such as rent, rates, equipment, infrastructure and police bills, to name but a few.

Since Steve Bruce was appointed and Alex McLeish took over we have spent £56 million net on players (this figure does not include wages, National Insurance contributions, sign-on fees or image rights). We have spent five of the last six seasons in the Premier League.

I like Steve and I do not want to disrespect him. But there were financial disaster buys. Clinton Morrison arrived for £3.75 million, with Andy Johnson going in the opposite direction for free. AJ was then sold on by CrystalPalace to Everton for £8 million. We got just £1.4 million for Clinton when we sold him back to Palace.

Millions of pounds of financial losses were made on the sales of David Dunn, Rowan Vine, Luciano Figueroa, Jesper Gronkjaer, Walter Pandiani and Robbie Blake.

Everybody says how great Blackburn have done – but what about Leeds, Nottingham Forest, Sheffield Wednesday, Sheffield United, Norwich, Ipswich, Southampton, Leicester and Coventry – to name just a few. None of these clubs have done as well as us.

This time last year everybody said how great Reading were – why couldn’t we be like them? And two years ago it was Charlton.

The truth is that IT’S NOT EASY RUNNING A FOOTBALL CLUB.

Trouble like that caused by supporters on Sunday shames the club and it changes the club in a harmful way.

When we joined we had a membership scheme because hooliganism was rife. Supporters and sponsors wouldn’t come. We changed the club through our various family and kids schemes.

We changed the atmosphere for the better and of that I am very proud. Please know that nobody will want to be associated with us if we go back to the trouble days, and if you genuinely want a new owner that’s the sure way to drive us away. Who wants to be associated with difficult, abusive and down right disgraceful supporters?

I don’t claim, and never have, that I have done everything right. I have made mistakes and if I had my time again would do some things differently. BUT I have always done what I thought was the best. I have put my heart, soul and my money into a club no-one else wanted in 1993.

I do not deserve to be treated this badly and I want to build bridges and bring the club success.

I believe that the good times will come back to us and this time next year we will be celebrating with a manager who has a great future and a team that live and die for you.

The best, I believe, is yet to come. Stand by us and we’ll stand by you. Don’t drive your best friend away.

As a final note, I think supporters should know that the journalist Pat Murphy, who wrote the piece to which I’m replying, is suing the club for thousands of pounds for personal injuries sustained following a fall from the TV gantry after the Arsenal game whilst carrying his equipment down the ladder.

This article was also printed today in the Birmingham Post as an agreed FULL right of reply to Pat Murphy’s column earlier in the week. However, the newspaper declined to publish the final paragraph. Birmingham City believes it is important its supporters know the full facts.

David Sullivan

Quotes of the 2007-08 Season

“That wife of mine just bullies me, She throws me out of the door at seven o’clock every morning! So that’s a definite no. Oh no, I dare not risk the wrath of that lass from the Gorbals.”
Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson claims that it’s his wife Cathy who stops him from retiring as he wins his latest Premier League title.
“I am not ‘the Special One’. I’m the normal one. But my wife says I am special…”
Avram Grant has them rolling in the aisles in his first press conference as Chelsea manager. What is it with managers and their wives?
“My players travel more than Phileas Fogg in ‘Around The World In 80 Days’. Javier Mascherano had to play a friendly for Argentina in Australia. That must have been really important.”
Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez reveals his love of international football.
“I’m ready to take the blame for all the problems of English football, if that is what he wants.”
The handbags come out early doors when Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger responds to Ferguson’s dig about the Gunners’ foreign contingent.
“If Chelsea are naive and pure then I’m Little Red Riding Hood.”
Benitez agrees to disagree with Jose Mourinho’s claims that Chelsea are whiter than white.
“It was the fifth minute of their usual seven minutes of injury time.”
Ferguson takes exception to Arsenal’s late, late equaliser against Aston Villa.

“It is omelettes and eggs. No eggs – no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs.
“In the supermarket, some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.”
Do you really need to ask?…Jose Mourinho
“I can’t say we are the best in England but I don’t think there is a team stronger than us.”
Avram indulges us with a nice line in doublespeak.
“I haven’t seen that. I don’t know anything about it. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Wenger amazingly misses the on-field spat between Arsenal team-mates Emmanuel Adebayor and Nicklas Bendtner, witnessed by the rest of the universe.
“As always I am focused on training and coaching my team.” Benitez’s statement – repeated at least 10 times during a press conference – after Liverpool’s owners tell him to stop criticising their transfer policy.
“The fire is always ready but now it looks as though you are burned on the village green quicker than ever before.”
Wenger gets fired-up about the number of managers getting the boot.
“I think if we win and Arsenal and Chelsea lose, it will be a good day!”
Fergie hopes for a miracle result when the Gunners visit Stamford Bridge.
“It must be necessary for a player to bring a gun and shoot one of our men in the box for us to get a penalty.”
Man Utd assistant boss Carlos Queiroz keeps things in perspective after Cristiano Ronaldo’s penalty appeal is turned down in the 2-1 defeat by Chelsea.
MANAGERS’ SPECIALS
“They searched the house and took a computer away that I bought my wife two years ago – I think she learnt to turn it on four weeks ago.”
Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp comes over all PC after laying into police who raided his home during a ‘football corruption’ investigation.
“I don’t want to comment on who or what will take over my job at Newcastle.”
Former Newcastle boss Sam Allardyce, clearly not bitter about getting the old heave-ho.
“I am sure we will see pictures of Sam in his Speedos walking along a beach somewhere. That won’t be a pretty sight.”
Wigan boss Steve Bruce speculates on where Big Sam will pop up next… no-one wants to see that.
“I’ve got more points on my driving licence.”
Derby manager Paul Jewell on his side’s meagre total.
“Once Ashley puts some weight on he will be fantastic. At the moment he’s about three-and-a-half stone – a couple of times we have put him through the letterbox!”
Aston Villa boss Martin O’Neill on what striker Ashley Young needs to keep on delivering.
“I saw the celebration. Superman – super goal.”
Manchester City boss Sven-Goran Eriksson on cheeky Stephen Ireland flashing his Superman pants after scoring against Sunderland.
“I was excited and it takes a lot to get me excited… ask my wife.”
Roy Keane is so excited – and he just couldn’t hide it – after Sunderland’s opening day win over Spurs.
“If you took the goals out of it, I think it was pretty even.”
West Ham boss Alan Curbishley on the unlucky 4-0 hammering by Chelsea.
“Even the chef’s been out for two weeks with a hernia.”
Curbishley bemoans his side’s luck with injury.
“People said I was pitting my wits against Sir Alex Ferguson, but it is like using a water pistol to take on a machine gun.”
Birmingham manager Alex McLeish on dodging bullets at Old Trafford.
THE RETURN OF THE MESSIAH
“It was a great result and it might stop people saying Newcastle have not won under Kevin Keegan.”
After beating Fulham to earn his first win back on Tyneside.
“The only way we will get into Europe is by ferry!”
KK quickly realises it isn’t going to be plain sailing.

“We don’t have to play them every week, although it seems like we have this week.”
After Newcastle’s second defeat in a week against Arsenal.
“The match for them is a bit like people down south going to the theatre. They want to be entertained.”
Keegan on the Geordies’ passion for football, before putting on Much Ado About Nothing in his first game at St James’ Park.
THE WONDER OF RONALDO
“He’s six-foot something, fit as a flea, good-looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him.”
Leicester manager Ian Holloway searches for a chink in the armour of the Portuguese superstar.
“He’s six-foot two, brave as a lion, strong as an ox and quick as lightning. If he was good looking, you’d say he has everything.”
The Adonis that is Paul Jewell gives his version.
“The one thing Cristiano Ronaldo has is pace, quick feet and a great eye for goal.”
Chris Waddle pays his own unique tribute.
“I don’t like to look like this, but in four or five days I will be beautiful once again.”
Ronaldo may have suffered a black eye against Roma, but thankfully his ego remains unbruised.

BEST OF THE REST
“Gary Neville is the club captain but has been injured for the best part of a year now – and Giggsy’s taken on the mantelpiece.”
Rio Ferdinand was clearly having a hearth while describing the Man Utd captaincy
“I must admit I suffered a bit when I first came to England. But then I realised that there was nothing to be intimidated by, everybody had two legs.”
Liverpool midfielder Lucas had clearly been watching too many League of Gentlemen episodes before heading over from Brazil.

“Over ‘ere – on me ‘fro, son!”
“Sometimes on a day off I go to the doughnut shop. When we play at home, I go there after the game and it’s like a doughnut party! Everyone is eating doughnuts inside their cars – it’s like a disco!”
Arsenal midfielder Cesc Fabregas turns into Homer Simpson. Have you ever been to a doughnut party? Me neither…
“Nothing surprises me in football, but if I said I was astounded that would be an understatement.”
Ray Wilkins on Jose Mourinho’s departure from Chelsea.

“If we’re talking lookalikes, he’s Toad of Toad Hall, isn’t he?”
Ian Holloway on Chelsea boss Avram Grant
“I think it’s fair to say we’re an improving team and a team that’s getting better.”
Everton skipper Phil Neville, who also feels his side have come on leaps and bounds.

“You probably think I’m Kenny Sansom!”
Little Britain star Matt Lucas on meeting Arsene Wenger, after the Frenchman admitted he had never seen the show.
“Most of the Portsmouth team are six foot plus and over.”
Graham Taylor commentating on BBC Radio 5 Live.

“I don’t know where Carlos keeps the dummy. He produces it from nowhere.”
Manchester United midfielder Michael Carrick on Carlos Tevez’s goal-celebration prop. Three guesses, Michael.
“I don’t follow football, I just love the name Aston Villa. What suburb of Rome is Aston Villa from?”
Actor Tom Hanks on why he’s a Villain at heart.
“We’re moving up the table now which is hopefully the right direction.”
Tottenham keeper Paul Robinson shows he’s grasped the basics after Spurs beat Portsmouth.

“We are happy with the three points, but it could have been more.”
Ryan Giggs after Manchester United’s 2-0 win over Fulham.
“Had I not become a footballer, I think I would have been a virgin.”
Peter Crouch’s honest assessment of himself.

Claret & Light Blue v “Lawro” of the BBC – Final Results: May 12th, 2008

Following the final weekend of the season, it’s “Congratulations to Lawro” on his victory in our hard fought battle for supremacy in the Premiership Prediciting Game…All I can say, rather churlishly I suppose, is that he gets paid a lot more than I do for doing this!…
After the completion of 120 games the final overall scores are:

Claret & Light Blue                 66 correct results / 9 correct scores
Lawro of the BBC                    71 correct results / 14 correct scores

We’ll no doubt do it all again next season, this time from the beginning…

Claret & Light Blue v Lawro of The B.B.C. – Predictions: May 11th

BlueNoses v Everton Lawro: home win, 2-0 C & LB: draw, 1-1
Chelsea v Bolton Lawro: home win, 3-0 C & LB: home win, 3-0
Derby v Reading Lawro: draw, 1-1 C & LB: away win, 1-2
Everton v Newcastle Lawro: home win, 2-0 C & LB: home win, 2-1
M’bro’ v Man C Lawro: home win, 2-1 C & LB: draw, 1-1
P’mouth v Fulham, Lawro: draw, 1-1 C & LB: home win, 2-1
S’land v Arsenal Lawro :away win, 0-2 C & LB: away win, 1-2
Spurs v Liverpool Lawro: draw, 1-1 C & LB: away win, 1-2
West Ham v Villa Lawro; home win, 2-1 C & LB: draw, 1-1
Wigan v Man U Lawro: away win, 0-3 C & LB: away win, 0-2

Current standings

After 110 games the overall scores are:
Claret & Light Blue 60 correct results / 8 correct scores
Lawro of the BBC 66 correct results / 14 correct scores

Quotes and chants of the Game…(May 7th, 2008)

“I think it’s very, very nice.”
The ever self-effacing Sven on the overwhelming support from the City faithful, who sung his name throughout their 1-0 defeat to Liverpool.

“There’s only one ‘Special One’.”
Avram Grant cannot resist a little dig after out-specialing Jose Mourinho by taking Chelsea to their first-ever Champions League final.

“If Mourinho was here I don’t think he could have done any better.”
Poor Jose is getting it from all corners as Brian Laws enthuses about keeping Sheffield Wednesday up in the Championship after a 4-1 thrashing of Norwich.

“If he wants me to stay on my feet, maybe he should tell his defenders to stop hitting me.”
Didier Drogba hits back at Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez’s so-called dossier on his penchant for diving after helping Chelsea knock their Premier League rivals out of the Champions League.

“Technically he is the worst player I have ever seen in my life – and he knows it. He has no skill at all. We all have more skill than him.”
Blackburn striker Benni McCarthy welcomes Robbie Savage back to Ewood Park with open arms.

“He’s just played his 100th game, but he was here last time I was, which was 1936, so he must be about 50 now.”
Newcastle manager Kevin Keegan on Liverpool’s interest in goalkeeper Steve Harper. Nice maths there, Kev…

“I don’t have a preference who wins the title. The best team usually win – except the time when we lost it. That time the best team came second.”
Keegan again, this time reminiscing on the vintage Newcastle team which clutched Premier League defeat from the jaws of victory in 1996.

Matt le Tissier: “And Southampton have got all 11 men in their own box now!”
Jeff Stelling: “Well that’ll be a bit tricky considering they’ve only got 10 men.”
Former Saints favourite Le Tiss gets a little too emotionally involved for Sky Sports, watching Southampton’s 3-2 thriller over Sheffield United – forgetting Stern John had been sent off earlier.

“Its a case of squeaky Brum time.”
Match of the Day’s Gary Lineker on Birmingham’s relegation plight.

“And Brian McBride scores a powerful header with his head!”
The one and only Chris ‘Candid’ Kamara on Sky Sports after Fulham go 1-0 up against Birmingham.

“Being Scottish, I’m gutted. I’ve paid for a hotel room that I am never going to see.”
A Rangers fan tells BBC Radio One about his impending all-night celebrations in Florence.

“I don’t think United should push for a second.”
ITV co-commentator David Pleat in the 86th minute of the Barca game. That’s how you become a professional manager then.

“Every clearance worth its weight in gold.”
ITV commentator Clive Tyldsley in the Manchester United v Barcelona game. Just how much does a clearance weigh then Clive?

CHANTS OF THE WEEK

Manchester City fans singing to the tune of Pink Floyd’s “The wall”:
“We don’t need no Phil Scolari,
“We don’t need Mourinho,
“Hey! Thaksin! Leave our Sven alone!”

To the tune of “Santa Claus is coming to town”:
“You better watch out,
“You better beware,
“He’s good on the ground and he’s good in the air,
“Santa Cruz is coming to town.”

Dagenham & Redbridge fans to manager John Still after he substituted midfielder Glen Southam for Sam Sloma at 2-0 down:
“You don’t know what you’re doing.”

Same fans to Still after Sloma scored one of the Daggers’ goals in the 3-2 victory to avoid relegation:
“You do know what you’re doing!” (Ian Gorsuch)

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK

“Will the fat kid please get off the pitch.”
Stadium announcer after the Stockport v Brentford game.

“Can the people trying to break into the boardroom please be aware you are on CCTV.”
Mansfield stadium announcer after the Stags lost to Rotherham, more or less guaranteeing relegation.

“Couldn’t you all do this in the car park?”
Swansea City stadium announcement after their 4-1 win over Leyton Orient, prompting fans to invade the pitch in sheer delight.

Claret & Light Blue v Lawro of The B.B.C. – Results: May 3rd – 5th

A pretty good week for Claret and Light Blue but an exceptional one for Lawro sees the man from the BBC take a very solid lead goinmg in to the final week. Lawro managed 8 correct results with 3 correct scores whilst I had 7 corect results and no correct scores…p.s. Neither of us saw Villa losing at home to Wigan and almost certainly blowing their decent chance of finishing 5th

Current standings…

After 110 games the overall scores are:

Claret & Light Blue 60 correct results / 8 correct scores
Lawro of the BBC 66 correct results / 14 correct scores

Claret & Light Blue v Lawro of The B.B.C. – Predictions: May 3rd – 5th

Premiership

Man U v West Ham Lawro: home win, 3-0 C & LB: home win, 3-0
Villa v Wigan Lawro: home win, 2-0 C & LB: home win, 2-1
B’burn v Derby Lawro: home win, 2-0 C & LB: home win, 2-0
Fulham v BlueNoses Lawro: home win, 2-1 C & LB: draw, 1-1
M’bro’ v Porstmouth Lawro: home win, 2-0 C & LB: home win, 2-1
Reading v Spurs Lawro: home win, 2-0 C & LB: draw, 1-1
Bolton v S’land Lawro :home win, 2-0 C & LB: home win, 1-0

Arsenal v Everton Lawro: home win, 2-0 C & LB: home win, 2-1
Liverpool v Man C Lawro; home win, 2-1 C & LB: home win, 2-1

Newcastle v Chelsea Lawro: away win, 0-2 C & LB: away win, 1-2

Current standings

After 100 games the overall scores are:
Claret & Light Blue 53 correct results / 8 correct scores
Lawro of the BBC 58 correct results / 11 correct scores