More or less stolen from the BBC Football Website…
“Whenever the players ask me about a bonus, I just tell them I don’t understand, that I’m a Yorkshireman.”
Barnsley chairman Gordon Shepherd plays up to the stereotype.
“Football is open for everybody, which is why they made a gay competition in South America. And look at women’s football: homosexuality is more popular there.”
Sepp Blatter tries to be all pc. Back to the drawing board, Sepp.
“I would have been doing a bit of ‘porridge’ myself!”
Roy Keane would have gone stir crazy if Blatter’s call for some tackles to be made a criminal offence had been in place when he was a player.
“I think it’s fair to say we’re an improving team and a team that’s getting better.”
Everton skipper Phil Neville after losing on penalties in the Uefa Cup.
“That’s 200 goals and 20 for this season – and he’s been doing that for 15 years.”
West Brom boss Tony Mowbray on Kevin Phillips. Ummm….wouldn’t that make 300 goals, Tony?
“…in front of 70,000 Mancunians. Well, some of them are.”
David Pleat, Man Utd v Lyon, confirming what we all already knew.
“This is not normal. He’s not normal, he never has been. He lives in the magnetic spectrum. What a goal this is. Beyond world-class. Astonishing. Cooler than a bomb disposal expert. That is amazing piece of football finishing by King Ronaldinho.”
GolTV’s Ray Hudson.
“When he sees it, I hope he holds his hand up.”
Bolton’s Kevin Nolan, commenting on Michael Brown’s dubious goal-line clearance for Wigan – with his hand!
“I haven’t seen so many grown men hugging and kissing since I watched Brokeback Mountain with the missus.”
Tom Ross on Birmingham’s BRMB radio, as Portsmouth did some team bonding at half-time in the game with Aston Villa.
“A player can’t choose which position he wants to play in. This is not a musical request show.”
Bayern Munich coach Ottmar Hitzfeld after Martin Demichelis refused to play in midfield.
“A Bolton player took a knock in the face – not sure who – could be Anneka Rice for all I know, we are so far away!”
5 Live’s Darren Fletcher is not happy with the distance from the press box to the pitch at Sporting Lisbon v Bolton Wanderers.
“Van Persie wouldn’t get his head on that because he was worried about ruining his good looks, but fair play to him, he is a very pretty lad.”
On Radio 5 Live, Wigan v Arsenal.
“It’s no longer a mountain to climb – it’s more like Mount Everest.”
ESPN commentator Tommy Smythe (Smith) after Inter go 3-0 down on aggregate against Liverpool – he just gets worse and worse…
“It would be easy to say that made all the difference – obviously it didn’t, but it did make a hell of a difference.”
Paul Jewell after losing Alan Stubbs to injury in Derby’s 6-1 defeat to Chelsea.
“I’m not looking for excuses but another 24 hours would have been nice to have prepared for the game.But that’s about the only excuse if I’m looking for excuses, which I’m not, but it was a factor.”
Brian Little making no excuses for Wrexham’s 2-1 defeat to Wycombe.
“Steven Gerrard has had so many special nights with Rafa Benitez.”
The Liverpool manager takes an alternative approach to firing up his players. Over-friendly, some might say.
“There was a chance, they cleared it and it was cleared.”
Another Paul Merson classic, just making sure we know that it was cleared.
“Most of the Portsmouth team are six foot plus and over.”
Graham Taylor commentating on 5 Live during Pompey game.
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CHANTS OF THE WEEK
“Where’s your dummy gone?”
Man City fans to Robbie Keane after the Spurs striker threw his shirt down following his substitution.
“Can we play you every week?”
Liverpool fans during their 3-0 aggregate win over Inter Milan.
“Sit Down Pinocchio!”
Villa fans to Gareth Southgate.
“Oh Moses, whoah oh-oh,
Oh Moses, whoah oh-oh.
He comes from Norbury.
He parted the Red Sea.”
Crystal Palace fans to striker Victor Moses after his goal against West Brom.
“It’s just like watching Brazil!”
Bottom of the table, five consecutive defeats and 0-1 down, Colchester fans try to remain positive against Cardiff.
“Are you Chelsea in disguise?”
Barnsley fans while leading 4-1 against Ipswich.
“Shall we build a stand for you?”
Preston fans to Blackpool, who only have two stands.
“We can see you washing up!”
Swindon fans to the occupants of the flats in the corners of Leyton Orient’s Brisbane Road ground.
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STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS OF THE WEEK
“Before we kick off for the second half, I have a very important announcement to make: ‘We’re the famous Cardiff City and we’re going to Wemberleeey. Wemberleeeey!!!Wemberleeeey!!!’”
Stadium announcer at the Cardiff City v Hull game.
“The substitute for Stockport will be…. (final whistle)….not made.”
Stockport announcer at Rochdale game.
